i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
