Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
