dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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