I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
