I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
