You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
