and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
