ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
