not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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