i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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