wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
So apparently I’m into choking now
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
