shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
