I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
