Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
