Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
the liver wants what the liver wants
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
