I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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