Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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