Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
