Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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