saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
