I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
