Define "chronic" masturbator.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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