Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
