Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
