Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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