Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
