he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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