Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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