I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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