the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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