There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
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