we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
