I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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