I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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