I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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