I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
