Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
