Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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