So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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