You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
