Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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