I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
