your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Operation Purity has been aborted
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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