i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
