Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Randomize
