so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
