Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
