he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
