So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
