Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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