Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
