You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
