please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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