is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
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