So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
