If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
ugly people sure do ruin things
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Drunk walkin through police station. America
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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