idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
